


Ephemeral Time, Eternal Love

by DreamyKitty



Category: SHINee
Genre: Bittersweet, Christmas, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Secret Relationship, Slice of Life, Soulmates, Swearing, True Love, so much love guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:49:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28897680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamyKitty/pseuds/DreamyKitty
Summary: [Written in 2013]Finding your soulmate doesn't mean you get to keep them by your side, right ?Christmas and its sweet magic lights.Glances and smiles.A battle betweenReality and hope.And love.Lots of love.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key
Kudos: 8





	Ephemeral Time, Eternal Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot I posted for Christmas in 2013, back in the days on Asianfanfics.com.  
> Now that I spend all my time on AO3, I thought it would be nice to have it here.  
> This story means a lot to me, and now that I read it again years later, it breaks my heart but well.  
> Hope some will enjoy reading it ~

_« I'd like to make myself believe,_

_That planet Earth turns slowly._

_It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep,_

_'Cause everything is never as it seems »_

_\- Owl City, Fireflies -_

The streets were far from empty, and people were bumping into others as each one was trying to make their way through the crowd. It was a busy day, a Saturday afternoon, just a few days before Christmas. Many people were still looking for gifts, others were just going back to work after a little break, a warm coffee in their hand, and... And then there was an atypical couple. In the middle of the crowd, in the middle of these stressful faces, these frowned eyebrows, these pursed lips... In the middle of the bright light of some garlands, the smell of fir and all the red and white things that came back with Santa's glory day... There were two men, facing each other.

Nobody knew about what they were feeling inside. Nobody knew that this moment was special for them. Nobody knew. But they knew, and it was enough. People were grazing them and passing between the two of them, but it didn't matter. They didn't see these people. Some kids who were happily singing Christmas songs were staring at them, a little bit intrigued by these two men who were standing still in the middle of the street, just looking at each other so intensively. But it didn't matter. Kids could laugh. They didn't hear them.

One of the two opened his mouth.

Then closed it.

The other smiled. Smirked. Chuckled.

The other sticked his tongue out.

They both chuckled.

Cheeks blushed.

A finger brushing an eyebrow.

A glance to the narrow street a few steps away from them.

A smile. A promise. A delicious promise.

Clear understanding.

Genuine happiness.

Love.

Nobody noticed how they both lowered their head and stepped aside, not really hurrying, but eventually walking to the same spot. Nobody noticed. They brushed past people, almost laughing, and it was amazing how nobody knew about their little secret. A lovely dirty little secret.

  
They finally reached the narrow street, their smiles widening.

Darkness.

They went further.

Laughters.

Warm hand finding cold one.

Holding onto it.

Tightly.

  
Sighs.

  
In relief. Joy. Peace.

Puffs of air as they breath each other's presence.

They can feel the other smile without even seeing it.

They just feel the same.

After the hands, the lips.

Moving against each other.

Melting against each other.

Heat.

Lust.

Rush.

Need.

« I missed you. »

Words. Another kiss. Full of passion, emotion, ardor. Fiery. Arms wrapped around the other's body, and hugging, hugging tightly, as if the world could tear them apart, as if they were going to die if they let go... And actually, the world had already torn them apart. They felt like dying each time they had to leave each other. They felt like dying.

They were working in the same company ; SM Entertainment. Jonghyun as a songwriter and a composer, and Kibum as a stylist and from time to time as a choreograph. Yes, they were both talented. Music has always been a strong bond in their relationship. It was partly thanks to it that they understood each other so well. Just because they could accept each other's artistic side, they got closer really quickly. Moreover, they were both straightforward, open-minded and quite frank, so it helped a lot. Communication is always a key in a great relationship. And they matched so well. Just like two pieces of the same puzzle. Kibum had been an exception in Jonghyun's life. He was his muse. But Kibum would just hit him if he told him that, so yeah... Jonghyun just wrote many songs about him, so he would understand. It always made Kibum blush. And Jonghyun loved it way too much. Sometimes, Jonghyun was happy to live in such a hard working nation as South Korea, so he could spend a lot of time with Kibum. Actually, work felt more like home than his own home.

Actually, Jonghyun's and Kibum's wives were friends.

Yes, they were married.

Society had pushed them to.

It was the hardest story they've ever lived : but it was theirs.

And their kids were friends, too.

Yeah, children.

They had children, but...

But not together.

Because human nature is cruel, and law, even more.

When they were younger, of course they had tried to move on as a couple, to live together and just be happy. They were young, they were stupid, and they thought that they were alone, blinded by their needs. They were two in a million, two against the world, and they thought they could become one but... yeah, reality made them realize that life wasn't that easy.

Their beginning had been wonderful. They both met when they were searching for a place to stay in Seoul. A place to call home. Both weren't that rich because of their new independence ; they were in their early twenties and had just discovered how to live by themselves. They met during the visit of an apartment, and fought for it. Yeah, their meeting wasn't that sweet. But in the end, they moved together in this apartment, first for the price, and later for... well, you know.

Both thought they loved girls, though. At least at the beginning. They were so young, it's not like that had had the opportunity to explore. But everything was so clear, so pure, and so sincere when they were together... Everything was wrong in everybody's eyes, but it felt so right to them... It took them two years to get together. Really together. They had reached a point where sexual frustration and hidden feelings were suffocating both of them... So it just exploded. A wild night, really. They  
both always laughed when they remembered it, slightly blushing.

But as years went by, they started to work together from time to time. It was perfect, they were traveling, and as they were surrounded by artists, people didn't look at them with weird looks or disgusted faces ; they were not the only ones in this situation. This era was still priceless in their mind... But as much as they were (incredibly) happy at that time, they had to wake up at some point. When they came back to a normal life, it broke their heart. They were 24 and 23 at this time. They were together for 3 years and known each other for 5 years. They had seen homosexual weddings in other countries. They thought that everything was going to be alright. They were optimistic and full of hope, dreams, and... love. Yes, they were in love. Simply in love.

The first time they tried to announce it to their families, all smiles and prepared speeches... Kibum's mother suddenly got a heart attack. She was still weak since her last surgery when he was a child, but Kibum had thought that it was all in the past. He thought it was going to be alright. It didn't. His father never forgave him for this. He told Kibum that if he wanted to kill his mother, that was pretty much a good way to succeed. Kibum cried many nights, Jonghyun hugging him tightly and telling him how sorry he was... But it didn't help. Kibum's mother stayed in the coma for several months after a new surgery, and their relationship was gradually shattering, Kibum getting more and more distant, lost in his thoughts and in his pain, and Jonghyun had felt so powerless... He didn't know what to say anymore, so he just wrote songs. His most beautiful and heartbreaking songs. They made Kibum cry. That's how he came back to Jonghyun's arms. They couldn't live without each other anyways. Or at least, at this time, they thought they couldn't. They were 26 and 25.

« I love your new haircolor ~ »

« Thank you ~ Now take it off. »

« Black makes you look so naughty ~ »

« Don't act like a high school girl and just take that shirt off for fuck's sake Jonghyun. »

« Yah, don't rip it off ! Do you know how much it costs ? »

« I don't fucking care Jjong. »

« Needy, aren't we ? »

« Fuck you. »

« Yes, please ~ »

They were in a small house in Okinawa, in Japan. They had bought it many years ago, when they almost broke up before Kibum's wedding. It was their cocoon, the only place where it was just the two of them, without being afraid of someone coming in, or someone calling on the phone and shattering everything. No, here it was just the two of them, without their phones, completely away from the rest of the world, only distracted by the sound of the sea right next to the house. It was their personal paradise, as cheesy as it may sounds.

Kibum grabbed Jonghyun by the neck, pulling him closer as they were lost in the other's intense gaze, not breaking even for a single second eye-contact. They were already breathless from their heated kisses against the door of the room, and finally Jonghyun opened it, letting them both in. But they didn't care about the room. It could have been the living-room or even the kitchen if it had been closer, as long as they could have something to support them during... well, their favorite 'sport'.

Hastily, Kibum pushed Jonghyun on the bed, the older smirking, happy to see his little kitty so eager, and Kibum couldn't help but smile, too.

They were both smiling like idiots, as if it was the first time ; it always felt like a first time, and yes, they were idiots. Blind idiots. They had decided to just ignore everything that wasn't great for their happiness many years ago. Forget about their sacrifices, forget about their wifes and children waiting for them at home, forget about their satisfied parents and "friends", and about the whole world that wasn't really turning round, and about that society and that human race that almost had them broken. Almost. Because they were blindly in love and both stupids, it almost had broken them. Almost. And just because their love didn't break into pieces, it got stronger.

Everything was wrong, but this felt so right that they couldn't breathe without the other. No matter how wrong their lives were, this was what kept them from collapsing, and that was what had them smiling. It was beyond love. It wasn't just a feeling. They were connected. Just like soulmates. And they were happy. When they were together, they could be the happiest. That was something that would never change and that nobody could take away from them. They suffered a lot on the road that made them reach this understanding, but finally, finally they understood that it was that kind of relationship.

Just like in the movies, it hurt a lot, just like in the movies, it made them cry, but just like in the movies... they couldn't forget about the other, couldn't just break up and forget everything... They had tried, god they had tried, but no, no it wasn't something that the mind could control. They had always joked about things like this but well. When it happens, it just happens, right ?

Now Jonghyun was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Kibum. The man made quite a show, slowly taking his clothes off, unbuttoning his shirt's buttons one by one, throwing the piece of clothing on Jonghyun's face with a genuine laugh, Jonghyun acting as if the shirt was mesmerizing him, making them both laugh, and then... Then Kibum was here, all cuteness disappeared, straddling Jonghyun's hips, the material of their pants rustling against each other, Kibum's bare skin against Jonghyun's white shirt, gazes locked, lips tempting...

Their excuse was always the same : work. Yeah, they were working a lot, so they couldn't be home that often. They weren't liars, they didn't like it either, but well... This love was selfish. Oh, and there was the friendship excuse, too. After all, even their wives were friends, so it wasn't much of a problem to spend time together, even among both their families. It was different though. Thrilling, somehow. They couldn't hide this glitter in their eyes, but they were sure that nobody knew about their terrible secret. It was better this way. It was cruel, but better like this. These weddings had been planned by Jonghyun's and Kibum's families, anyway. They had no right to complain now. They : families, friends and wives. The only pure souls here were the children. And both men loved their children to death. They always knew that they would be good fathers ; they had always been good to children, thinking that maybe that maybe one day... If only...

Slowly, they kissed. They took their time, being all sweet and possessive at the same time, strocking tenderly the other's cheeks while rubbing aggressively their hips together, their crotches colliding in a slow and sensual ballet... They were savouring everything that the other could give, savouring each minute spent together, because they knew now, that time was precious. That they weren't supposed to be together still. They knew they should have stopped everything when Kibum was about to get married. They both knew that this was the beginning of their death, but still...

_\- A few years ago -_

Jonghyun sighed, still writing frantically in his notebook, humming some melody while trying to express what he felt inside. He had to let it out. He had to, or he would die. He felt like dying anyways. The wedding invitation was still visible on the top of the bin a few meters away and Jonghyun hated himself for always looking at it when he was done writing. He couldn't believe that this was happening. He couldn't believe that they were going to break up like this, without even getting enough of each other or just falling out of love. They still had so much love for each other. It was so unfair, and cruel, and it hurt so much that he felt tears burning his eyes once again, and he felt weak. He didn't want it to happen. He wanted to scream. He felt like he was going crazy, insane. And maybe he was.

He perfectly knew that Kibum had no other choice and that he was probably hurting more than him here, but... Still, he was angry. Sad. Hurt. He was blaming society, Kibum's parents, this girl, and even himself for what was happening. Tomorrow, Kibum would be hers. His fist hit the cold surface of the table. How did they reached this point of no return... ? He knew all too well why Kibum was being distant these days, why he wasn't here right next to him now (he had promised him once that he would always be there ; it made Jonghyun laugh bitterly now). He knew he had to let go, and try to learn how to live without him but... He didn't know how to.

He looked at his phone, and wondered if he should send a text to the love of his life. Something like « Congratulations and be happy. » ? It sounded like breaking up. He wasn't brave enough for this. Just like he hadn't been brave enough to open the letter before today. If only Kibum's mother hadn't been so sick, they would have ran away... but he couldn't blame her and Kibum wasn't heartless either so... well. Jonghyun could only understand. She wanted to see her son as a good husband and a good  
father before dying. She wanted the best for her child, even if that was her vision of what was best for him. No matter how much it hurt, and even after trying to talk to her... Kibum and Jonghyun understood that she wouldn't change her mind. Kibum was her only child, after all. And she knew that they were both too kind to try to run away  
and make her even more sick than she already was. And she was not the only obstacle. Jonghyun's father had beaten up his son when he discovered for the two of them. Jonghyun would never forget the way Kibum had tried to stop the man, yelling at him and crying, standing still before Jonghyun and asking his father to punch him instead. Jonghyun would never forget. He had felt so powerless at the moment, on the floor, blood flowing out of his nose.

Kibum didn't want to cause trouble, so in the end he agreed with the wedding proposal that his mother had set up with the daughter of one of her friends. And that broke Jonghyun's heart. Kibum had even told him that he should find a good girl, too. Marry someone and have children, as he had always been dreaming of. Kibum had told him that this way they would both be happy, in a different way. He had told him that this way, Jonghyun would have everything that he wasn't able to give him. This day, Jonghyun had cried, whimpering that he only needed him by his side. Kibum had hidden his tears, murmuring that they had to be strong. 

And now he was here, alone for Christmas, cursing about the day that was coming in a few hours, cursing about the white shirt and black pants on his bed, and once again, about society. Different doesn't mean wrong, but right now society was still raising people in order for them to be as normal as they could. Jonghyun hated it. As much as he tried to be 'normal', he just couldn't. His heart, his mind, his soul... His fingers, his skin, his lips... His everything was missing Kibum. He couldn't help it, and neither could he suppress this throbbing in his chest each time he remembered the man's angelic face. Feeling empty and lost, he wrote this little sentence in his notebook ; « Different doesn't mean wrong... » and some other pathetic « I still love you... » and then... then someone knocked on his door.

It was near midnight so Jonghyun wondered who it could be. Hope was still burning in his chest, so in the back of his mind he thought that maybe it was Kibum, even though he knew he shouldn't be like this. He had to let him go, even if his heart was screaming I love you's and I miss you's. He decided not to open the door. Act like he was sleeping. But then, a voice was heard through the door, and Jonghyun's heart broke once again. Kibum. He ran to the door, opening it widely, shocked. Even through the door, he heard that Kibum's voice was shaky while he was calling for him, and there he was, out of breath in front of Jonghyun, his pajamas hidden beneath a long coat and boots. Jonghyun couldn't believe his eyes.

« W-Why are you- ? »

« I can't ! » Kibum cut him, whining, his voice breaking.

« You- »

« I can't live as if everything was alright, cause it's not. I can't live as if what we have didn't exist cause it does exist. I can't live in a mess of lies without the only thing that seems true to me. Jonghyun, I... I was wrong. I can't live like this. I... » Kibum almost shouted, his eyes watering.

Jonghyun tried to make him come inside, but the younger hesitated. He was stubborn. But so was Jonghyun. Sitting on his sofa a few minutes later, Jonghyun gave Kibum a cup of tea with a bit of milk in it, just as he knew Kibum loved, and then he sat beside Kibum, staring at him.

« You shouldn't be here, Kibum. Tomorrow you're getting- »

But he never finished his sentence. Kibum had thrown himself in Jonghyun's arms, kissing him hard, as if his whole life depended on this kiss, and as always, Jonghyun just melted. 

« I still love you. » Kibum whispered in his ears, before nibbling on his earlobe, his hands moving slowly under Jonghyun's pajamas, making the other moan with the slightest touch, his skin craving for it since what seemed like forever. Kissing down his neck till his shoulder, Kibum was murmuring crazy things into his skin, words that Jonghyun never expected to hear, but well ; he could only understand. He felt the same. 

« I'm yours, only yours, fuck don't ever let me go for fuck's sake or I don't even know what I would do without you, god that's too cruel, I hate you, I fucking hate you, why can't I let you go, that would be so much better for both of us but fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh yes do that again. Your heart is beating so fast, oh my... And stop crying you little crybaby, oh my god I'm going to cry again, just stop it... You're mine you know. Mine. And... And I'm yours. Yours. Please never forget... I... I just love you, you know. »

_\- Present time -_

Christmas was a special time for them. Their first night together had been in december. Their first I love you's were told on Christmas Eve. They got back together on Christmas. Promised to stay together on the same day. This was special to them. Everyone was used to spend these days with their families, and somewhat they were forced to do the same now but... They changed their notion of time. To them, Christmas was on the 21st, 22nd and 23rd of December. These days were theirs. The 24th and the 25th spent with family didn't mean anything. It meant nothing. As always they were just enjoying playing with their children, because they wanted to be good parents, better than theirs, but... As cruel as it may sounds, they could only be truly happy when they were together. It was unfair, of course, for the others. They also thought that it was unfair. They didn't have the choice, though. You don't choose such a heartbreaking story.

« F-Fuck slow down or I'm going to... »

Kibum didn't have to say it twice. Instinctively, Jonghyun slowed down his motions, rolling gently his hips, slowly going in and out of Kibum, kissing with all his passion, kissing his lips, his neck, his nipples... Kibum was moaning, and just that could have made Jonghyun come right away but he knew how precious each time was, and how they both wanted it to last. When they were younger, they loved it quick and rough, and even now in their thirties, they still liked it like that from time to time but... well, things had changed, and they were trying to enjoy everything to the fullest.

Jonghyun changed his angle, and it got Kibum screaming out of pleasure. Jonghyun smirked ; found it. It wasn't like in all these teenagers' stories where everything was pain then pleasure. Reality was a little more complicated. If they took their time it didn't hurt, and sometimes it took a little bit of time to find the right angle to trust into the right place, the one that made them scream. But it was always wonderful, just because it was them. They moved as they felt it, depending of the mood. Everything was about sharing, they listened to the other, gauging the other's reaction, needs, etc. With years, they just knew everything about the other's body, like a music score they played by heart and could never forget. That's why sex has always been an amazing part of their life together.

« J-Jonghyun.. h-harder... »

Jonghyun smiled as he watched how his beloved was now a moaning mess, his head thrown back in ecstasy, his perfect ass bouncing in the older's lap, with as much stamina as before, making Jonghyun groan and moan, and ask for more, and push his hips up to meet his, and moan again without restrain, lost in too much warmth and pleasure. He knew that they were both close, and even if he knew that eventually they weren't going to do it just once tonight... He wanted it to be breathtaking ; no, even more : soultaking. Yeah, Jonghyun loved to create words to describe what he was feeling for Kibum. He always felt like there weren't enough words to really express everything.

Kissing Kibum's neck, Jonghyun sped up his pace, thrusting into the other harder, grabbing his neglected cock and pumping it fast, trapped in the heat between their bellies, trapped in this warmth, this suffocating pleasure and Kibum literally screamed, spreading his legs even wider, his thighs shaking, holding Jonghyun close by wrapping his arms around his neck, chest against chest, his member even more closely trapped in Jonghyun's fist and both their hotness, tears of pleasure collecting at the corner of Kibum's feline eyes as he tried desperately to kiss Jonghyun with all he had. The kiss wasn't perfect as they were moving a lot, but it was like a poison to both of them, making them burn even more, tongues playing, lips sweetly brushing, Jonghyun's hands suddenly back on Kibum's hips as their motions were getting more desperate, reckless, only guided by pure lust. Jonghyun's head fell on Kibum's shoulder as he felt Kibum's hole tightening around him, making him feel dizzy and... And then they were coming, both letting out a little cry, voices hoarse, throats tight, tears falling, bodies shaking and dicks jerking through their first Christmas orgasm of the year. Yeah, that was just the first.

They stayed like this for a few seconds, or minutes perhaps, not breaking eye-contact, Kibum's arms still on Jonghyun's shoulders, their vision still unfocused from the previous orgasm, their bodies exhausted by the afterglow, Jonghyun still in Kibum, and even though it was getting uncomfortable for both their bodies... They didn't care. They were smiling.

They rolled over, and started tickling each other, laughing like kids, only taking one of their discarded shirts to wipe the cum that was still lingering on their skin, and then throwing it accross the room, Kibum laughing, Jonghyun kissing him and cuddling close to him under the blanket as if he was about to tell him a secret. Kibum got closer in order to hear what Jonghyun wanted to say, expecting another lame joke or cheesy line, but the older only hugged him tight, making them both rest against the pillows beneath, and then he whispered in Kibum's ear in a very serious but tender voice : « Merry Christmas Honey. I love you. » He kissed the younger's cheek and then added : « I'll always do. » … And Kibum blushed, calling him stupid and hitting him lightly while whining that this wasn't funny cause he already knew this. In the end, they started making out again.

They looked exactly like the teenagers that they had been when they met. They weren't growing older, no ; time didn't matter to them, just because they had something much more important. In their minds, they were still convinced that they were meant to be together. They still thought that after everything they've been through, nothing would ever break such a bond. Not even society. Not even time. Not even life. Not even death. This was how precious this love was.

_« Let your colors burn and brightly burst_

_Into a million sparks that all dispurse,_

_Illuminate a world that'll try to bring you down,_

_But not this time. »_

_\- Owl City, Shooting Star -_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ~ ♡


End file.
